In the past, I never rested.. never took time for me.. I was always go go go go go go go burnout, go, burnout, go, frustration, outward anger, selfishness, inward anger, inward depression, self pity, contempt, acceptance, renew drive.. then repeat.. over and over.. A normal..Anexity..high anexity.. depression..back to normal cycle. Think of it like the beginning of a rollercoaster.. big hill up, fast drop down, and right back up.
Now I do a lot of "self checks" and where I would doubt or blame others or my selfish nature for the emotions.. I accept it for what it is.. an emotional response.. I choose how I let it effect me..
As I look at this creek water rolling by, it relates to life.. if the water level is too low, it doesn't move anywhere, it gets stagnant, it's unimpressive, it helps no one, it just exsist.. Today, the level is perfect..it's simple, calming, and beautiful with light rapids and simple falls. However, after a heavy rain, the water from the mountains fills that creek... And it becomes super powerful, gets overwhelmed, becomes destructive, and scary.. but even between the two extremes.. it's serves a purpose, it has a reason to be there. The creek doesn't know it's purpose or reason.. but it has one, even though it doesn't know it..
We are like that creek in many ways. The emotions we feel is like rain, and the emotional response is that flow in the creek.. we can shut off all the emotions, dry up, shut down (depression).. or let it overwhelm us.. and we become that destructive force ( anexity ).. or we regulate, by ourselves or with help ( therapy and medicines ). Now I accepted the fact after 42 years, I couldn't regulate it on my own . By accept that fact, I actually started to appreciate myself.. and like with all action, you give back what you give to yourself.. and flow you can control.. accept the flow or deny it and stop it.
If love is given, accept it, Love yourself, love others
If you can Appreciate yourself, Appreciate others. And others will appreciate you.
Show happiness, others will see it, and soon you will also see it
If hate is given, deny it stop it
If depression is felt, deny it stop it
If anger is shown, deny it stop it
Remember you can start any of the cycles because like with all cycles, it always returns back to you, maybe not how you expect it, but it does in other ways. So don't start it, if you EXPECT it in return.. start it because that is who YOU are or want to become.. because like a creek, your flow may lead to an ocean of life..